


Haise Gives the Talk

by CoffeeAndTae



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-21
Updated: 2015-09-21
Packaged: 2018-04-22 17:31:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4844171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeeAndTae/pseuds/CoffeeAndTae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haise finds a condom in the apartment. Hijinks ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Haise Gives the Talk

“Would any of you care to explain what this is?”

The Quinx, who had been lazing around in the apartment for the better part of their Sunday off, all look up to a panic-stricken Haise, who is holding something up.

“It’s… a condom.” Urie says in a bored voice. “Did you not read the box?”

“I know what it is, why is it in this apartment?” Haise demands, crossing his arms and glaring at his little family.

“Sassan, do you really need us to answer that?” Shirazu asks, slouching forward and cocking an eyebrow.

Haise sighs, unfolds his arms, and holds the condom up again.

“THIS,” he says, “Is for PROTECTION. Now, a word about protection -”

“Um, Mamman, I really don’t think we need to -” Saiko starts, but is cut off by Haise.

“Your bodies are growing and changing, and while I understand that, you need to know the fundamentals of safe -” He winces. “Sex.”

“You’re only three years older - “

“SAFE SEX,” Haise CONTINUES, glaring at Urie, who rolls his eyes. “Is a very important thing. When you give yourself completely to a person, you must be aware that even condoms have a chance of failing. You must get tested, and make sure your partner is tested, as well. Now, sex, to put it simply -”

“Haise,” Mutsuki says nervously.

“SEX,” He ignores him and continues. “Is what happens between two people when their bodies get … er, wound up. You may begin to experience funny feelings down in your no-no areas -”

“You did NOT just -”

“Your no-no areas are a very big part of the process. I’m fine with you … having… sex…”

Haise turns, tucking his hand beneath his chin, and sighs heavily. Just as he’s about to CONTINUE on his rant, the Quinx all exchange a look, rise to their feet, and quietly walk to the front door.

“I will not have my angels getting hurt because -”

A sharp slam of the door cuts Haise off, and he turns around, blindsided.


End file.
